Miracle

You're my life's one miracle
Everything I've done that's good
And you break my heart with tenderness
And I confess it's true
I never knew a love like this 'til you

You're the reason I was born
Now I finally know for sure
And I'm overwhelmed with happiness
So blessed to hold you close
The one that I love most
Though the future has so much for you in store
Who could ever love you more

The nearest thing to heaven
You're my angel from above
Only God creates such perfect love

When you smile at me I cry
And to save your life I'd die
With a romance that is pure in heart
You are my dearest part
Whatever it requires
I live for your desires
Forget my own, your needs will come before
Who could ever love you more

There is nothing you could ever do
To make me stop loving you
And every breath I take
Is always for your sake
You sleep inside my dreams
And know for sure
Who could ever love you more

—by Linda Thompson

....This is one of the songs I sing to you every day on the way to and from work.

In the Nursery

Since we don't know if you will be a girl or a boy, we are decorating the nursery in a fairly neutral theme. Its a "sleepy theme" using teddy bears, baby sheep, suns, moons, stars and soft buttery yellow and sweet aqua blue. I had a very clear vision for the room and drew out sketches so that Daddy could help me and it's really coming together. I'm so excited!

5th Week

Today is the last day of the 5th week. you are now 3 weeks old and about 1/4" in length. Your heart is already beating, and your skeleton is forming. Little tiny buds have formed that will soon be your arms. And I wonder what you will be like, who you will look like and what traits Daddy and I will have given you. I'm already falling in love with you, even though sometimes it still feels like I'm walking through a dream outside of my body. It's hard to realize this is actually all really happening.

First OB appt

I had my first appointment at the doctor's office, just to meet the nurse and fill out paperwork. Some things she told me to remember... no lifting over 25 pounds, no sushi, cramping is totally
normal, keep heartrate below 140 if excercising. I'm 1/2" shorter than I was 2 years ago and I haven't gained any weight —yet.

I met with my superviser today to give him my proposal for a flexible work schedule. He was very encouraging, but we stand up to many challenges with the other people in the department and upper management. I'm not to hopeful.

Well, I've done my first hugely bonehead-preggers-brain dead thing. This is a funny story...
At work today, there was an issue with a photo a school had sent in for their cover. In a nut shell, I was trying to explain to a consultant what the problem was by email, using a "screenshot" of the cover to illustrate my point. I dragged the screenshot from my desktop to the email and sent it. The consultant came to my office just a few minutes laster and I asked if he received it. He said yes, but I don't know what it is. I kept asking about the photo details, etc. He finally asked me to bring up what I sent to him. When I pulled up the sent email —I was mortified. There, staring back at me, was an illustration of a 3 1/2 week old fetus - the screenshot I had taken earlier on my break to show your daddy. I apologized all over myself, without really explaining why he received that. I pulled up the cover an he said, "yeah, send that one to me." I was so embarrassed. I explained to him later, in the correct email that I had been working so fast I pulled off the older image before teh new screenshot had saved to the desktop. Totally true.

Yikes, I hope stuff like that won't be happening all the time! Kim laughed so hard she was crying. And Daddy thinks I'm funny. I think I'm going crazy!

Expecting a Baby

I just found out, its no longer a maybe,
I'm now expecting a sweet little baby!
I am so very excited its so wonderful for me,
I'm just amazed to know I'm now a mommy-to-be!

There are books to read to answer my concerns,
It's sure a good thing God gave us nine months to learn!
I will always remember the moment I first knew,
The excitement that I felt learning it was true!

An awesome job I've been given, to welcome a little one here,
to bring to this world, more love and good cheer!
I just found out it's no longer a maybe.
I'm going to be blessed with a precious little baby!

Shhhh....

We're trying to keep a lid on our news until my 30th birthday party next month. We want to try to tell everyone all at once. But we've let a few people in on our secret. Kim, my office-mate, burst into tears. Kristina, one of my dearest friends, was very happy for us. Uncle Calvin stopped on his way through town and I thought it would be nice to tell him inperson, but didn't know when we would see him again. So we decided to tell him. He was so excited and couldn't stop smiling. He said he knew I would be an awesome mother, there was no question about it for him, despite any reservations that I had. I thought that was very kind. After we ate with him, Daddy and I went to Toys R Us and I found a mobile for your crib that I love. Boyd's Bears in pajamas! Daddy bought it and it was the first thing he ever bough for you. We went home and worked on the built-in shelves for your room. I have finished the large painted areas and I'm ready to start on the stars on the ceiling of the sun and moon stencils. It's so exciting to see it coming together. It's hard to stop thinking about you now. It's going to be hard to be patient until you arrive.


I'm going to try to take a photo every month until you're born. I know it doesn't look like much now, but there is a little pooch there and I'm super excited about that!!

Is this real? I'm going to be a MOMMY!

It's.......
Positive! Positive! POSITIVE!!!!

I took the test and it turned positive right away. I thought I was seeing things since I had just woken up and had a hard time focusing. I couldn't believe it. A miracle is occurring right now. Right now. I thanked God and then pulled myself together. I didn't want to tell your Daddy until I could do it just right tonight.

I got home from work just as Daddy was getting in the shower. Perfect, just enough time. I packed a picnic basket, wrapped his gifts —a beautiful poem, matted and framed along with a book titled How to Be a Pregnant Father and added a yellow ribbon and the positive test and hid it in the trunk. I put some sparkling grape juice on ice, grabbed the cameras and a quilt just as Daddy was getting out of the shower. I took him to get sub sandwiches and headed for the Botanical Gardens at Lake Shawnee. He had no idea where we were going. Before I let him open anything, I laid on the quilt that we had put out next to a bubbling creek amongst flowers and a view of the lake. He kissed me and I told him I loved him. When he said "I love you, too," I said, "I'm glad because we're having a baby." He kept asking me if I was serious, as if I'd go to so much trouble to play an awful joke on him. But it finally sank in and we hugged and kissed some more. After we ate, we walked around the gardens and talked. Daddy couldn't wait to tell someone, so we went Alex and Nichole's —Wow. We're having a baby!

Lab Results

Progesterone levels are really high, the infertility specialist tells me. She says if we don't get pregnant this month, it should definitely happen next month. That is encouraging. I've been craving spicy food at lunch and dinner. The hotter the better. No heartburn though. Using the restroom a lot more, about every two hours. I think I'm going to test tomorrow, see if something turns up. I feel like I'm going crazy with all these suspicious symptoms. I'll just die if this is all in my head!

Lab Tests

I had my blood test today to check my progesterone levels and see if the clomid is working. Have been tired the last few days and my chest is achy. I keep having little headaches and light-headedness. I wore high heels yesterday and my ankles feel like my ligaments have gone soft. I'm actually concerned about wearing them now. So, I'm having all kinds of symptoms, but of course, its too early to test and I'm afraid, at this point, with us wanting a baby so much, that I'm putting these symptoms in my head.

High Hopes

I had strange cramps all day. Hate to read into anything and get our hopes up, the fall is so much farther then.

The waiting is the hardest part.

It Would be a Miracle....

It will truly be a miracle if we can conceive this week. With traveling for work at the beginning of the week, and National Night Out at the end of the week, we'll have a very small window of opportunity, and with so much going on...

This was my first cycle of clomid, and thankfully I haven't had any side effects. Not that I would care if I did.

We've waited so long for a baby, hoping to be completely ready, and then waited so much longer unsuccessfully, and now we're finally trying to get some help, which takes even more patience. All we can do is hope at this point.... and (hopefully) wait only a little longer....